This blog serves primarily as our family updates page, so most of the time, it is pretty business-like. There are times though, that I just want to talk like myself- not like the family representative.
Sometimes on a Sunday afternoon, when the rush for church is over and the ravenous herd has been satiated, I have these odd little introspective moments. A few minutes when all is quiet and I can hear the little voice of hope that lives deep inside my cynical heart. I talk big- I like people to think that I am tough- sturdy, focused and calm. To be honest, my mind is swimming. It's like looking at a stadium full of fans at a football game- a million things, stories, thoughts happening at once. I suppose it is easy to become overwhelmed by the sheer weight of it all, I know that I would excuse anyone in my own place. I think we all want to be everything. We are encouraged to do so much that we think we HAVE to do so much. I want to make birthday cakes and sew Halloween costumes, volunteer at the school, keep the perfect house, cook wonderful meals, not spend too much, do service, visit a friend, call my sister, read my scriptures, go to bed earlier, run and exercise more, worry less, and, and, and........are you as overwhelmed as I am?
So here is my little bit of revalation. No one loves my husband as much as I do. No one loves my kids as much as I do. The things I want for these 6 people could virtually be endless and they would deserve every one of them. In this thing, I am perfect. The visiting teaching message this past month was special to me. (To sum it up as it pertains to me) The world is full of tough women. It has enough of these ambitious, over-achieving mothers who when their children are raised can't remember a single distinct detail of their childhoods.
Sitting on my couch on this Sunday afternoon I had this moment of perfect clarity. I like Fall. Spring is supposed to be hopeful, but Fall is more like me- grateful for what I have, I am rich today in all the things that matter. It is getting colder outside, but inside you wouldn't ever know it. In here, the complete and total devotion of my family, their willingness to forgive all my short-comings is all the hope I need.
So I did make the Halloween costumes, and I'll still cook dinner, but there are clothes and toys on the floor. Who cares, they don't bite!